I've talked to many of you who would be reading this about my plans already, but in case you need a refresher - I'm taking 3 months off work and solo traveling Asia! I have the general order of where I want to go, but am uncharacteristically winging most of the specifics.
The questions people always ask are 1. why u do dis/why now and 2. wtf you're so lucky how?? - so I’ll try to answer both somewhat briefly here.
The Motivation
I've felt a restlessness to either move out of SF or do extended travel since October 2018, before I changed jobs at Meraki. I only realized after the fact that I had been burnt out. But more fundamentally, I felt I had slipped into living life on autopilot. Turning 25 also sparked a bit of a quarter life crisis, with a severe case of introspection. I was no longer a 'recent grad' just 'trying out this one job before I figure out the rest of my life'. After carrying out my programmed directive of climbing the education ladder and seeking gainful employment, what else was there? Sure, I was now climbing the corporate ladder, but what did I actually want to accomplish in life aside from get paid and live comfortably?
The figuring time had come, which, combined with an unsated dose of the travel bug (or #wanderlust) from my new job led to a scattered few months of trying out therapy, attending Zen Center Dharma talks and meditation, reading a bunch of existentialist and self-help books, and countless (ongoing) discussions with friends.
I changed jobs in October, which provided distraction but not resolution to the existential anxiety underneath.
Making it Happen
By mid-May, my restlessness came back in full force. I considered quitting and interviewing elsewhere, only to realize that even if I were to get a new offer, start dates usually happen within 3-4 weeks. Cisco fortunately offers (unpaid) extended personal leave, and by summer I finished a major project and was able to clear a proposal for time off with my manager. I had the willingness, and the permission, but even then still struggled to follow actually doing it. It’s extremely easy, dare I say even natural, for me to torpedo any idea, especially my own, with criticisms:
- you're not only missing out on a couple months salary, but also tanking your career progression when there's a juicy project you should be leading right now - just take 2 weeks to chill and get back into it
- you're just buying into a new capitalist narrative of experiential consumerism and transformational travel, without any actual cultural immersion. Eat pray love is for basic white bitches
- you just got mugged and broke your wrist in Barcelona, you're gonna die/get malaria/suffer massive shits if you spend 3 months abroad
...I could keep going but you get the point.
All of these hold some validity - I know because I'm a rational person and came up with them. But they’re also full of cognitive distortions. I’ve begun to realize that my tendency for over-rationalization and over-optimization often locks me into decision paralysis, leaving me to settle on the default option in life that presents itself, and give up self-agency. Besides, I’m fortunate enough to have the financial means, simplicity of solo-traveling as a guy, and freedom of not having to take care of parents or any dependents - why not now?
So I’m gonna take some time from my normal life in SF, dictated by the colored blocks of my Gcal, punctuated by libations and weekend gatherings. Having visited much of Europe, I was weighing between South America and Southeast Asia, but ended up with the latter due to cultural interest, backpacking familiarity, and cost, and booked a one-way ticket, stopping first in Hong Kong before going to mainland SEA.
So...what are you doing?
Getting space from the mental overhead of managing work, friend, and familial obligations to reflect is already huge. There are concrete things as well - be in nature, meet people from other cultures, train muay thai, meditate, practice photography, force myself to write (ha). And there are some very abstract questions to mull over - What do I personally value, vs what family or society has instilled in me? What do I want to create in the world? Does spirituality mean anything to me?
Am I gonna ~~find myself~~? Maybe, if being ‘found’ was even a discrete state of being. But I’m gonna experience and learn random shit about the places I visit, which I want to share here, and eat some dope $1 street food in the meantime. I’m writing more concrete travel posts as well - don’t worry it’s not all gonna be angst.
So here I am, typing this up in a hostel bed in Ayatthuya at 1am instead of figuring out how the hell I’m getting to Chiang Mai. Thanks for reading :)
my dope ass hotel blanket
Note: I tend to make decisions informed by many viewpoints - there are tons of people that helped me work through this decision process who are unmentioned, but s/o to y’all.